The notion of running out of time and supposedly having less energy for the things that used to come easy to us is a common fear as we age. Age comes with pressure. Where are you in your life? What have you achieved? Are you married and do you have kids?
Throughout my teens and into my mid-twenties, I lived. I had fun, I participated in activities I loved, and in my early adulthood, I only did work that I enjoyed – building and selling computers, hosting events, spitting raps with my crew AFMP (African Monopoly). I made a decent amount of money, blew lots of it, got bullied, and later became a street bully myself (figuratively). I fell in love, got my heart broken a few times, but most importantly, I was happy throughout the trials and tribulations of growing up. I knew who I was, I loved who I was, and I had zero pressure.
Up until I had my first-born son, I took on the pressure from then. I began listening to everyone. I fell for the societal traps about how a man, more specifically a father in his early 20s, shouldn’t be making his money doing events, rapping (releasing mixtapes recorded in bedroom studios), hacking, and other things I enjoyed doing in my youth. Society dictated that I should be more family-oriented, should own this and live there.
I pressured myself into becoming what I thought was a more dignified version of myself, and I hated it, to be honest. This affected my income, my relationships, friendships, and my mindset. Things fell apart. Look, my first-born was the best thing to happen in my life; however, how I went about parenthood in my early adulthood isn’t something I can advise anyone to do.
I locked myself into a 9-to-5 job and was afraid to explore and take risks. I studied less, therefore honing very few skills. I believe that if I had taken family support in helping me raise my first-born, that could have shaped my livelihood differently. I hesitated to run my business on a full-time basis and did so for over a decade out of fear of losing income, which meant my offspring would starve, or so I thought. As a matter of fact, hesitating to run my agency on a full-time basis has been recently forced onto me by unfavorable circumstances. In 2021, during the pandemic, I lost my job, and that forced me to run my agency on a full-time basis, something I know I should have done many years before.
Do I regret my life choices? Yes, I do, but on the other hand, it is those very same choices that have shaped the character that I am today. I am relentless when it comes to my studies, and I am continuously learning and stacking up my skills. In the last 4 years, I have acquired more skills than I did in more than 10 years.
I’m now in my very early 40s, and I have no pressure now. I listen to people telling me about comebacks and rebrands, and all I’ve done is become that kid in his 20s again – hungry and having fun. I am happy again. I am that kid who I was before, putting out strictly hip-hop events that he loved, the kid who hacked computer systems and built web applications when it wasn’t cool or popular back then. The kid who backed an artist that people didn’t believe in because he was a fan of the artist – some of my favorite rappers are actually my childhood friends, mostly from our rap crew AFMP (African Monopoly), sick, I know.
I’m in love again, with everything and everyone. I’m showing love again, I’m not afraid to share my work or be vulnerable with people. I also feel sharper as I now know what not to do and what’s not for me. The last few years, my focus has been on high-value skills, niche and quaint projects, and my take on the cybersecurity and web application development industry, and it has been fun. That’s the key – all the corny stuff we avoid is actually true. Are you actually doing what you love? If so, are you also putting in the hours to protect what you love and keep yourself happy?
With all the pressures of age and society, people rarely ask each other if they are happy. They might ask how’s the family, they’ll usually ask if business is good, but happiness isn’t a commodity that we take stock in when it comes to other people. Age has taught me to really focus on this and that’s why I’m now comfortable writing again.
There will be no format here, especially in the Labatory section of my blog. I might give my take on the spaces I earn a living in, I might vent about our national rugby team the Bokke and the Buccaneers, or I might even put out some of my poetry, raps, music. I’m feeling free and I’m enjoying myself… I hope you’ve found your freedom, or with age… freedom finds you.
I am in my 19th year as an ICT professional, but I’m feeling like it’s day one. The goal is to never lose this feeling again.
Peace out! Find your happy place, fam.
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